Episode 13: Role Models in an Aging Society

How to be a role model. A few weeks ago, my uncle, my mother's brother, passed away. Personally, it was a bit of a blow, but of course it's inevitable that unless we live short lives, We're going to lose all those people from the generation that came before us. For me, he was pretty much the last of that generation, being 100 years old when he died. Aside from the last month of his life, he'd always enjoyed excellent physical and mental health. I fully understand that making it to 100, after enjoying reasonable material success, traveling the world, having a long happy marriage, three children, ten grandchildren, at least that number of great-grandchildren starting to pop up in a generally interesting and fortunate life is not, especially during the context of the global pandemic that we are having, a major tragedy. But in many ways the loss of my uncle was a genuine one for me because I lost an important role model and I can honestly say that the world is a poorer place without him. The last time I saw my uncle was just over two years ago. He was a mere 98 at the time and had just finished writing a book of short stories. I knew that he tired easily, so didn't stay longer than an hour, but we were still able to have a wide-ranging conversation about family, music, politics, travel. His wife, my aunt, had died a couple of years earlier and he felt that loss extremely keenly. They'd been married for 71 years after all. Anyway, he offered me a glass of wine and gave me a copy of his recent book. I couldn't help noticing that the picture on the front cover was one that he had painted himself and that the ecstatic, adoring, highly appreciative comments at the back had been written by him too under fictitious names. That would have amused him. He was in the nicest possible way a bit of a show-off but always with a twinkle in his eye. When staying over at his house when he was a younger man in his 70s and 80s he would wake us up by playing the drums. He would have a tape playing all the other instruments which he would then accompany as if he had the whole band with him. In fact he played the drums with a jazz band on his 90th birthday. I still have the CD that he made sure to be distributed along with a special cover to everyone who attended. So why am I telling you about my uncle and what on earth has he got to do with this series of podcasts? I think what I'm really talking about is what makes a role model and why it is so important for all of us to have at least one in our lives, hopefully several. Role models remind us that there is a way to be in this world and that if we adopt that way we'll be able to leave the world a better place than when we found it. So taking some aspects of my late uncle's behavior and influence I would like to point out a few of the building blocks that might allow us to be a role model for others. One, of course to be a successful role model there are some things that you mustn't do. For example, you mustn't commit murder, you mustn't sell your children for profit, or deliberately humiliate people less fortunate than yourself, or use the global pandemic to sell pills that you've made up yourself in your garage or cellar. We know that there are people who do these sorts of things and whatever they may be, role models there are not, at least they're not good ones. Two, don't take yourself too seriously. It's true that we don't always have something to smile about that pompous self-obsessed people or morose people tend to alienate others and eventually they will find ways to avoid them. Charles Handy once said that there are two types of people in this world, radiators and drains. It's self- explanatory, radiators emanate warmth towards others and drains suck the warmth away. I'm sure that we've all spent a couple of hours with a drain and know the sense of relief that we have when we are finally away from their company in just the same way as we may feel a sense of regret once we have to part company with a radiator. If you have the ability to laugh at yourselves you'll be able to make others laugh as well and radiate good humor and warmth. That's a great gift. Three, be curious because life should never stop being fascinating. Curiosity is one of the most important as well as one of the most underrated qualities we can have. It allows us to accept that we don't know everything and and that we never can. It sparks learning, and we should never stop learning. In my uncle's case, even at our last meeting when he was 98, most of the conversation that we had was me responding to his questions about myself, where I had traveled to, what I was reading, what films, music I'd recently seen or heard. I think his curiosity kept him young, kept him engaged, kept him learning. I remember my cousin, his son, saying to me that even in his 40s and 50s, he used to tell his father everything, Keep nothing from him, knowing that he would always get advice because he was interested, because he was curious. Four, look after yourself. We hear a lot about how it's important to consider others and do good for others when we can. This is true, but it's practically impossible unless we look after ourselves first. As with the famous airplane instruction where we should put our own oxygen mask on first in an emergency, even before we put it on our children, the same applies to life in general. Remember the four pillars of good health. Nutrition, sleep, movement, and well-being. These will vary slightly for each of us, but we need to give equal attention to them all. It is only when we have these in some sort of balance within ourselves that we can help others. In my uncle's case, it'd been something of an exercise obsessive, but it's not always necessary to be that way. Just move a little every day, whether it's walking, dancing, or swimming. Otherwise, eat something good every day. Do something that you really enjoy, with others and get plenty of sleep. Five, connect. Connecting with other people makes us realize that they have just as much right to be here as us. We have no special privileges, no preferential rights over others, only accidents of birth. We live in an increasingly divisive world where unscrupulous people try to manipulate us by creating non-existent enemies, foreigners, political adversaries, people of different religions, even different sexual persuasions. The world is big enough for all of us, the world can feed us all, the world can house us all if we're careful, if we connect. It is so important that we meet and support people from outside our own families, our own circles, our own bubbles. I know in my uncle's case the individual people from outside his family that he supported and the difference that he made to their lives. My uncle had a kind theory that we as humans operate on two levels. The first level is about meeting our needs where we feed and clothe ourselves, reward ourselves and look after our families. Many people spend all their lives on this level but there is a second level that we can climb up to if we allow ourselves and we share this level with everybody else. Here we leave our own egos behind and we connect and provide genuine help and support to others without expectation of reward where and when we can. It is here that the role models are to be found. The final point I want to make here is about you because if you are involved in any way at all with a leg club or with a leg club movement, if you are a member, a volunteer, a nurse or a patron, if you have a role within the foundation or if you come to leg clubs as an industry partner, you are already a role model, you're already at the second level. You are doing something that radiates warmth, you are being engaged and curious, you are looking after yourself. And most of all, you are connecting. You're not only doing some genuine good, but you are forging a path that others will follow. That's what my uncle did, along with the humor, the love of jazz, of writing, of exercise that he instilled in me, and you will too I'm sure of it. Thank you for that and thank you for listening.